I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
