mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
