I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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