Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
