The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
