I think I am morally bankrupt
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
