Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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