normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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