you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
