So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
