I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
