update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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