If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
