the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
