I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
my poor anus
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
