If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
