She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
