Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
