Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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