I wish I could teleport
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
