just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
