But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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