You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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