you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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