I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
