i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
