I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Who died my cat blue again?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
