Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
