he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
