theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
