That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
