you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
