Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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