Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
