Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
