Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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