I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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