can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
