she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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