Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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