The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
