is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
