I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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