I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i dont even know how to be here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
