dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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