I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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