He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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