I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
