bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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