I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
