so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
