I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
