I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
